Alrighty! Much needed block leave came up so I’ve been enjoying my time with Blair. 🙂 But now the schedule for this week will be packed with lots of information so make sure to keep up! There just might be a giveaway too – stay tuned! And now to Kaitlin’s second post! – Lauren
Hello again 🙂
This post is about one of the hardest parts of a deployment – preparing for, the day of, and day one… There are certain things that need to be done before deployment and because of the emotional toll deployment takes on you and your significant other certain things may be easy to forget.
Have your significant other find out if their squadrons have these available and if not I would go online and find one!
Taylor’s squadron offered them a handbook for family and even friends of service members that’s all about before, during and after deployment. He grabbed one and gave it to me and the first week he was gone I went through the pages and learned some helpful information and wish I would have had it sooner. The handbook I have is called, A Handbook for Family & Friends of Service Members Before, During and After Deployment by Vulcan Productions. I would suggest having your significant other find out if their squadrons have these available and if not I would go online and find one! It will help!
- Understand the Emotional Toll
Deployment is emotional and every day leading up to deployment is emotional. There was one day where Taylor was frustrated and I had to explain to him that I understood he was the one leaving, but that he needed to consider that I was having a hard time too. Sometimes your significant other will forget, which is totally natural so don’t worry! Especially, if it is their first deployment! They get so worked up and worried about leaving that they will have moments where they forget how hard it is going to be on you.
So REMIND them. It is nothing bad – it just happens. This is an emotional rollercoaster ride for sure, so make sure you are together for that ride and this may be more up to you than them. You have to understand the stress your significant other is going through and even if they may not admit it they are scared. I have heard that this becomes a lot easier after a few deployments because they begin to know what to expect, but for the first deployment make sure you are there for them and that may mean you need to remind them that this is hard for you too. One of the toughest jobs in the military is being the significant other, but God finds those of us who can handle it!
A Little Background Info
Let me quickly give you all a little idea of how this worked for me! Taylor came home to Nevada for Christmas and we knew that his deployment date was going to be anywhere from January 3rd to January 10th. So we thought it would be a good idea to leave a little before the 3rd to give us a few days to get him ready to go. We left Nevada on December 30th and we flew to Arkansas together. Because we are already in a long distance relationship this was nice because we only had one emotional, “I will see you later” instead of two.
On January 2nd we finally got a for sure departure date. Taylor was told to report to his squadron building at 2:00 in the morning on January 6th. Once again, you may be eager about posting dates on Facebook to let your friends and family know about the day your significant other is leaving, however, social media is not the place for that. I just called my parents and texted my best friends when I found out because I knew I was going to need them.
So, now onto Preparing for Deployments and the Day After!
Oh the Things to Do! It seems as though there are hardly enough days before your significant other deploys to get all you need to get done before he leaves, but guess what you can 🙂
The easiest way to make sure you get it all done is sit down with your significant other and make a checklist! Taylor and I made one on a 3×5 card, so it was nothing fancy, but boy did it help us! We sat down and I had him tell me the things he had to get done and then I asked him about other things like, “where will your truck be parked” “How will Travis (his roommate) get the keys to the apartment when he gets back from his deployment?” “What bills do you need to pay before you leave?” Your job is to ask the questions they may not think about. They have so many things running through their mind and may forget the small stuff! This is why making a checklist is SO important!
- What you will need from him:
Make sure before your significant other deploys you know all the personal information you may need about them. First, middle, and last names of course you will know along with their birthdate, but what about their social security number? Do you know that? Most likely you don’t, but before they deploy I suggest you write it down somewhere will you can find it if needed. I had to use it to set up an account with Samuels Jewelers so he could start making online payments for my engagement ring, and I needed to know it when I called Toyota so I could get information about his account. It is a good thing to have and a good thing to know!
I got all of Taylor’s information for his accounts such as usernames, passwords and made sure I knew the answers to his secret questions. If you want to be able to access certain accounts like bank, or in our case Samuels Jewelers for my ring and Toyota for his truck then hopefully you know your airman well enough to be able to answer any of the secret questions they may have listed for these accounts to ask. This is good because if for some reason the Wi-Fi is down, which happens, or they are just unable to access their account you can! I like it because I was able to keep an eye on everything and make sure the payments were coming out every month.
Another thing you will want to get from your significant other is their deployment packet. Before your significant other deploys their squadron will normally give them a vanilla envelope with an important information and paperwork inside of it. This is where the checklist of things they are REQUIRED to pack will be along with any general information about their deployment. Your airman doesn’t have to take this packet with them, but after Taylor and I looked through it and the information in it we realized that it was something that I would need to take with me. For those of you who live with your significant other make sure you keep it handy and in a place where you know it is just in case! For those of you in my situation and in a long distance relationship make sure you take this packet with you.
This packet contains a lot of important information and is a good thing to have and hold on to throughout the entirety of your significant others deployment.
- Inside the deployment packet:
In the deployment packet you will find numerous papers. It is a good idea to go through these papers when you get a chance so you know what each one is just in case of any emergency!
The first paper you will find in the packet is the checklist of gear they need to take with them. Everything on this list MUST be packed. Then there is a paper that gives you general information for the base they are deploying to along with the address for letters and packages. Other papers include: his training record, emergency data sheet, checklist for mobility folder, basic Air Force deployment information, and copies of certificates received for training that has been completed. Then there are a bunch of papers that are stapled together of people you may need to contact while your significant other is deployed. Such as The American Red Cross and Legal Assistance
The American Red Cross paper is how you contact your significant other in case of serious emergency or death in the immediate family. When you call there is certain information you will have to provide about your airman, so make sure that you have them fill in the information in the lines provided on this sheet before they deploy.
You can get a hold of the Red Cross at anytime during the day and they can contact your airman and get them home if needed. This is not one of those numbers you just use for every little emergency though. It is up to you to use this number responsibly. Luckily while Taylor was deployed his immediate family stayed healthy and there were never any emergencies that were serious enough for me to have to contact Red Cross.
The legal assistance information may be needed if you have things that may need to be signed while your airman is deployed. It would be a good idea to have a durable power of attorney made before your significant other deploys just in case there may be something that requires their signature. With this durable power of attorney you will be allowed to sign anything that their signature is required on because they are deployed. If you forget to have this document made before they leave it is okay! There are lawyers overseas they can go meet with who will draft it and email it to you. I strongly suggest this is something you have done especially if you are married! Yu never know when you will be filling out paperwork that will require both signatures!
Not all significant others have to do this, however Taylor and I decided to go into his bank and put my name on his account. We did this because if anything went on with his account while he was away I would be able to call the bank and get it figured out and taken care of for him. He also got me a debit card on his account, which came in handy when he was unable to pay his bills for some reason.
Taylor packing away!
In the deployment packet they are given there will be a checklist of things they will NEED to have packed. I am not sure if all branches do this, or even all bases, but Taylor got one, which made getting him packed a lot easier. Taylor was allowed 3 check in bags and 2 carry on bags. He was issued a large military grade duffle suitcase along with a large military grade backpack and I am not exaggerating when I say they are large!
They will tell them how many pairs of multi cam (deployment ABU’s) pants, shirts and even how many socks to bring. Taylor went in January, so there was a certain amount of cold weather gear he had to pack as well. All the gear they need is issued to them, so there shouldn’t be any issues not having what is on the list. We were short one physical training t-shirt, so we just went down to the BX and bought him another one. They are also issued two pairs of new boots and chem gear, which included a gas mask and chemical suit.
Once everything on the list is packed they can start packing other things. Now, I know when you think of Afghanistan you think desert and you think hot, which in the summer…YES this is very true. However, if you significant other is going in the fall or winter months it will be freezing! So the first thing we packed when Taylor got everything on the checklist packed was a big king sized fleece blanket. Then when he got there he was wishing we would have packed a heating blanket as well because it was cold!
Just like flying anywhere else your significant other will have to go through customs before leaving the United States, so make sure that they have no liquids packed away in their carry on items and of course NO weapons, not even a pocket knife. For Taylors carry on he used the HUGE military grade backpack he was issued. He packed his tablet, some snacks and magazines along with an airplane sized pillow. It is a long flight, so you will want to make sure your significant other packs things in their carry on that will keep them busy and help make them more comfortable.
All check in bags had to be dropped off at the squadron building at 7:00 am the morning before Taylor deployed. They went through all the bags to make sure that everyone had what they needed and what they were issued. Taylor was gone for much of the morning because it was not a quick process…they literally went through the checklist and unpacked the bag we had just packed to make sure everything was there. So to save your airman time that morning make sure the night before you go over the list multiple times.
Also known as Taylor’s other wife. 😉 Just kidding, but seriously that truck gets almost as much attention as I do, so we just HAD to make sure it was ready from him to leave as well.
We started by taking it to the car wash and cleaning out all the trash. Remember if you are not planning on using your significant others vehicle while they are gone or you are in a long distance relationship and it is going to sit in the designated parking lot for those who are deployed then you need to make sure everything that could go bad, is thrown away. When Taylors mom and I dropped the truck off in the designated parking lot the morning we were leaving we made sure that we got everything of value out of sight.
Not everyone has someone to check on their vehicle while they are gone, but like I said this truck is Taylor’s baby. So he left his keys with a friend, so that when his roommate got back from deployment he would be able to go and turn on Taylor’s truck every once in awhile. Those vehicles sit there for months, so it isn’t a bad idea to have someone who is willing to go start it up and check on it, especially if it is just going to be sitting there.
Oh boy, oh boy is this important! If your significant others vehicle is NOT going to be driven while they are gone make sure they call their insurance company and let them know that they will be deploying and not driving their vehicle. Taylor called and got his truck insured under something called storage parking, so he had no driving insurance on it while he was gone, but insurance for anything that happened to it while it sat there. All insurance companies are different, but this is very important to do and will save you and your significant other quiet a bit of money, especially if the vehicle is not going to be driven while they are deployed. I am pretty sure we just had to send them a copy of Taylor’s orders, so they had it on record that we was deployed. If it is going to be driven, or right before your significant other returns you just have to make sure to call and turn the driving insurance back on.
Any payments such as rent, utilities, or a storage shed will STILL have to be paid while your significant other is overseas. Now I know this seems like a no brainer, but if you are in a long distance relationship like me this is not a thought that crosses your mind. Just because they are deployed doesn’t mean they take in their orders in hopes of not having to pay rent. It just doesn’t work that way. Everything MUST still be paid, even though technically they are not living there.
Luckily for us, Taylor’s roommate and best friend deployed in September and was due back around the time Taylor would be arriving in Bagram. So they came up with an agreement that Taylor would pay everything while Travis was deployed and when Travis came back he would take over everything. This worked out great! They were both able to pocket a little extra money while they were deployed because they didn’t have to worry about paying these expenses in Arkansas.
So if you live with your significant other, make sure you know what needs to be paid and when. Also make sure you know any account information such as passwords and usernames, so that you are able to take over these responsibilities while your airman is deployed. They can pay bills on the Internet while they are overseas, but it is nice to give them one less thing to have to worry about.
If you are in a long distance relationship I would suggest doing the same thing. It was nice that Taylor had no rent or utility payments while he was gone because Travis took over the apartment, but if he hadn’t of I would have done this for Taylor. I paid the engagement ring every month using the card we got on his account for me before he left, and I checked his bank account every month to make sure his truck payment was coming out. I even had to call Toyota once to clear up a double payment that was made, which is why I feel it is a good thing if you at least check up on your significant others accounts while they are gone. You never know when mistakes are going to be made and when you are going to need this information, so just make sure you have it!
Taylor had to report to the squadron building by 2:00am. So that day we made sure he had everything he needed together.
Also for those of you in a long distance relationship and just there for the deployment departure MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A PLAN. We needed to make sure his mom and I had the hotel room on base for another night and that we had a ride to the airport. These are all things that you may not even think about, but don’t forget about yourself! We went to the squadron building to see him off, took his truck back to the hotel on base where we slept, then we parked his truck in the designated parking lot, and had his best friend’s wife come pick us up and take us to the airport.
Eating the very last bite of Key Lime Pie and Cool Whip that was left in the fridge!
During the day we just hung around and ran to Walmart to get some last minute things. He and I both bought a notebook and got a huge pack of pens that we split for letters. We also got him his pillow for the plane that would fit on his carry on and looked for an outlet adapter. Which, your significant other will need when they stop at an airport in another country. Tay and I were not able to find one at Walmart, but they did sell them at the airport in Ireland, so he was able to get one it was just super expensive. So try to find one before your airman leaves to pack in their carry on.
After our run to Walmart he laid down and got some sleep. I sat up and wrote him his first letter, which I put in his carry on. I did this right before he went to boot camp as well. It gave him something to read on the plane and even though it made him tear up it also let him know how much I loved him and that I would be there waiting for him when he is back—and I was both times!
He woke up around midnight and got dressed in his multi cams, ate the last bit of Key Lime Pie and Cool Whip that was left in the fridge and then we were off to the squadron building.
This is where he checked in and the waiting began. We were not sure how long we had left together, but we cherished every moment not letting go of one another’s hands. Neither of us knew what would happen once he got on that bus, but we knew we were ready to put this first deployment behind us. We sat down with everyone and their families. I got to meet all the guys he was deploying with, which made me feel a lot better! After awhile they made an announcement that they would be playing a movie upstairs for families and anyone who wanted to go watch. The last hour we spent together was holding hands watching Despicable Me. My heart dropped every time someone came in to check the screen and look down at their watch. I knew that one of those times it would be to tell us the buses were here and I was right…
Taylor’s mom took some pictures of us upstairs and then we went downstairs and got some more. It was not an easy night, but somehow I was able to hold myself together for him. I walked out with him to the bus and we exchanged our final hugs and kisses, and then he let go of my hand and I watched as he got on the bus and slid down in his seat. His mom and I waited and watched the bus drive off until we couldn’t see it anymore. This was it…he was actually going….our first deployment was underway.
His mom and I got in his truck, went back to the room and slept. Then we woke up the next morning took his truck back to the parking lot across from his squadron building that is designated for those who deploy. His friend’s wife came and picked us up and we left his key with her who would give them to his roommate as he got back from deployment.
This day will be different for everyone, but be strong for him! He needs to see that you are going to be okay and that will make him feel a little better about leaving.
However, allow yourself time to be emotional about it. You will need a you day whether that is at home with Netflix, a bath and a bottle of wine, or a girls night with a close friend or family member. I am pretty sure I laid on the couch with my little brother who is 13 and just cried to him….he just kept telling me it would be okay…and deep down inside under all the tears and emotion I knew he was right!
I was good when I watched his bus drive off, I was good when I went to the hotel room, I was good on the plane ride back to Nevada and I was good when I got home to my family. However, that night I laid in bed and it hit me…half my heart was in Afghanistan and I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I was strong while I was with him and was the one telling him it was going to be okay and that the time would fly on by, but when I laid in bed that night for the first time without him by my side I had an emotional break down.
Like I said above…give yourself time to be emotional! This is why it is so important to have a good support system…and luckily I was home with my parents and siblings. It took me a few days to actually feel like talking about it, but it was so nice to be at home with my family and only a 10-minute drive from his family. It really helped me get through those first couple of days, which were the hardest. So make sure you have a support group! It could be other military wives, your best friends or family. Just make sure there is someone there you can confide in because you will need all the love and support you can get.
This day will be different for everyone, but be strong for him! He needs to see that you are going to be okay and that will make him feel a little better about leaving.
Taylor left on January 6th, but it was not until the 9th that I actually posted anything about it on social media. He told me he was in Bagram and that is when I finally felt okay about posting it. I got many likes and kind words from those close to me and even those I haven’t really seen or talked to since high school. It felt good to know there were people out there supporting me and keeping Tay and I in their thoughts and prayers.
This is only the beginning and I know….it seems like a lot, but guess what?! It can all be done and you too can become a champion! Once you get past the first week or so and your pie chart starts becoming more green than red you will feel better and you WILL overcome deployment!
I am super excited for next weeks post when I will discuss communicating with your significant other overseas via Skype, phone calls, letters and my favorite care packages! It is going to be a good one…and in my opinion one of the most important!
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